When young children can recognise, name and talk about their feelings, they can more easily recognise when they feel unsafe and tell an adult if something upsetting has happened. This means adults can help problem-solve the small worries and protect kids from the bigger ones much earlier on. Talking about feelings and regulating emotions becomes a life skill.

Teaching your child about feelings can start at birth. Here are some ways you can help your baby begin to understand and regulate their feelings:

• Copy your infant’s facial expressions: smile when they smile, frown when they frown.
• Talk with your baby and tell them what you are doing: “I think you’re hungry. I’ll give you your bottle.”
• Have conversations with your baby. Repeat their sounds and words when they talk to you.
• Use words to describe your baby’s feelings: “Oh you’re smiling! Are you happy?”

As your baby grows:

• Talk with your child about their feelings. Link their feelings to their facial expression and what is happening: “You’re crying. Are you sad because we have to leave the park?”
• Talk with your child about other peoples’ facial expressions and body language on their favourite television shows: “Casey is excited! She is smiling and clapping her hands. I think she is excited because she is at a party.”
• Draw simple feelings faces and put them on the fridge. Ask your child to point to a face to let you know how they are feeling.
• Try your best to stay calm and relaxed when you are with your baby / child – even when they are upset.

Our body’s warning signs (body clues) are automatic physical responses that happen when we feel unsafe. Children might feel warning signs when they are nervous, scared, worried or uncomfortable. Helping young children recognise these signs in their body builds on their knowledge about feelings and helps them ask for help earlier.

Adults can help babies and young children start to recognise their warning signs:

• Use simple words to help your baby or young child understand how they feel: “You’re crying. Are you sad?”
• When you notice they look worried or scared help your child describe their warning signs: “Did your body feel different when you thought about going to daycare? What did that feel like in your tummy?”
• Sometimes children are too upset to talk or listen. At these times help your child feel calm by giving them a cuddle or a comfort toy, use quiet music or talk with them in a gentle voice about how they feel.
• Give your child a choice between two simple words to help them develop their feelings words: “I wonder if you are feeling sad or worried?”
• Remind your child that nothing is too bad or scary to tell a safe adult.
• Remind your child that, “We all have the right to feel safe and be safe, all the time.”

Children as young as 3 years old can now navigate a smart device.The e-Safety Commission reminds us , “Technology is a part of most children’s life from very early on. Now that using digital devices is part of daily family life, it’s a good idea to take steps to keep them safe online too. The risk of exposure to these harms increases with the amount of time they spend online, but simply restricting screen use is not enough to protect them”.

The e-Safety Commissioner Early Years program provides practical advice and tools to help parents and carers support young children to have safe and enjoyable experiences online. These are some of the tips covered in their program:

BE SAFE

• Set up devices safely and ensure they are only used in communal areas
• Talk to your child about the connected world
• Teach your child about personal information

BE KIND

• Encourage positive online behaviour
• Model good habits around device use
• Model consent when taking and sharing photos of your child

ASK FOR HELP

• Teach your child when to ask for help
• Reassure toddlers and preschoolers they will not be in trouble if they ask you for help about anything they encounter online
• Teach your child to ask before doing anything new online

To learn more about how to keep children under 5 safe online go to the e-Safety Early Years: Online Safety for under 5s program and download the e-Safety Early Years Booklet.

Respecting your child’s right to choose how people show them affection teaches your child that they own their body. This includes being allowed to say ‘NO’ to anyone. Children who are taught they have choices about how their body is treated are more confident to recognise, react to and report inappropriate, unsafe and harmful touch.

We can start to teach children about CHOICE, CONTROL and CONSENT from birth. There are lots of ways to support a young child with their body autonomy and boundaries:

• Explain to your baby what you are doing to their body and why: “It’s time for me to change your nappy. I need to wipe your bottom to make sure you are clean and healthy.”
• Where appropriate, give your young child choices about what they can do and what they want you to help with: “Do you want me to pull your shorts up or can you do that yourself?”
• Let your young child choose how other people give them affection: “Do you want nanna to give you a kiss or a high-five?”
• Let your young child say no to affection, even from you.
• Teach your child the difference between touch that helps keep them safe and healthy (where they have less choice and control) and touch that they can choose (affectionate touch).

When we show a young child that we respect their body, they learn that their body belongs to them.

Children who know the proper names for their private body parts are less likely to be targeted for sexual abuse. Naming private parts correctly also helps children develop body confidence, decreases vulnerability and increases resilience. Using the anatomically correct names for private parts removes the shame and secrecy attached to these words. Using clear language is very important for young children and helps them learn about safe and unsafe touch.

Private body parts generally refer to the areas of the body covered by swimwear or underwear. This includes genitals (penis, scrotum, vagina, vulva), the buttock, anus and breasts.

When possible, use the correct anatomical words to name the private parts of the body. Avoid using nicknames for private parts.

Here are some simple ways to help a baby or young child learn about private body parts:

• Talk about all body parts during everyday interactions.
• Do not avoid naming or talking about private body parts.
• Use the correct names for private parts when changing or bathing your young child.
• Avoid using nicknames for private parts.
• Teach your child:
  • To talk with a safe adult if they feel uncomfortable with any type of touch.
  • No one is allowed to touch their private parts without a good reason (e.g. washing).
  • It is never okay to touch an adult’s or other child’s genitals.
  • No videos or photos of private parts are allowed.
  • To never keep secrets about touching or showing private parts.
• READ CHILDREN’S BOOKS:
  • Everyone’s got a Bottom by Tess Rowley.
  • Private Parts are Private by Jayeen Sanders.

Safety Teams are the community of adults who help keep a child safe. They are the relatives, friends, community members or professional caretakers who are significant to your child. It is healthy for children to develop trusting relationships with multiple caring adults. We can help children feel safe talking to adults, so they can get help when they need it most. You can support your child to trust safe adults and build their Safety Team.

There are ways to help a young child develop a Safety Team:

• Support your child to develop relationships and attachments with a number of trusted adults.
• Help your young child identify five adults they feel safe with, who they can talk to if they need help.
• Discuss protective behaviour education with trusted adults who are part of your child’s Safety Team.
• Tell your child that they have the right to feel safe, and to tell an adult if they feel worried, scared or unsafe.
• If your child tells you something bad has happened, listen to them and let them know you believe them.
• Encourage your child to talk to other adults if they don’t want to talk to you about an issue.

Feeling safe and being safe are both important. We can help children identify their feelings so they will be able to recognise, react to and report negative feelings that impact their sense of safety.

Here are some simple ways parents and carers can help their child learn about feelings:

• Build your child’s feelings word bank: “Can you think of another word for angry?”
• Describe emotions you notice in your child: “You seem upset – are you disappointed your team didn’t win the game today?”
• Link your child’s feelings to their actions or behaviour: “You’ve had a big day! Are you exhausted?”
• Notice how other people are feeling and link it to what is happening (e.g. while watching television with your child): “Jules looks scared… is she worried about her friends?”

Some children find it hard to manage their emotions. Difficult behaviour is often a clue your child is having difficulty coping. They might need help from a safe adult. Here are some ways you can help your child when they are upset:

• Try to stay calm. This will help your child learn what ‘calm‘ looks like.
• Allow your child to have difficult feelings. Managing difficult emotions is an important life skill.
• Let your child know they can talk with you about anything.
• Help your child find ways to manage big feelings: quiet music, slow breathing, drawing, meditation, or even physical activity can help kids feel calm when they are upset.

Our body’s warning signs are automatic physical responses that happen when we feel unsafe. These warning signs are clues that we feel worried or unsafe. We can help young children recognise their feelings and warning signs, so they can ask for help.

Here are some ways adults can help their child recognise Warning Signs:

• Talk with your child about how they are feeling before a big event: “I always felt so nervous on the first day of school. How are you feeling?”
• Talk about your own Warning Signs: “I have to do a presentation at work today. I have butterflies in my stomach.”
• Help your child link their Warning Signs to the cause: “You have a headache? Is anything worrying you at the moment?”
• When your child shows Warning Signs, offer them comfort and let them know they can talk with you about anything.

Children are not always able to say when they feel unsafe. We can help children identify their Warning Signs and think about whether an activity is okay/safe or not okay/unsafe.

Online predators are skilled at getting access to and information from children. They use social media, gaming, online chats and apps that seem harmless. It is important for parents to understand the online environments their children access, and to be aware of safety risks – online safety as well as emotional and physical safety.

The e-Safety Parents site provides videos, webinars, books, family tech agreements, parental controls and information sheets to help you mitigate or respond to:

• Cyber Bullying
• Social Media
• Access to pornography
• Sending nudes and sexting

To support your child to be safe online:

• Learn about the benefits and risks of online activities.
• Be familiar with the games, apps and devices your child has (or wants) access to.
• Talk about online safety as a family – teach your child about specific online risks and about safe online conduct.
• Set up family rules together. This can include having parental controls and family tech agreements. Use e-Safety templates to talk about which devices and apps your child can access, when they can use these and what they are allowed to do.
• Tell your kids that if anything goes wrong online – no matter what – to get help immediately. Ensure them they won’t be in trouble for telling you.
• Report online abuse. The eSafety website has more information about reporting online abuse and staying safe online. They can investigate cyberbullying of children, adult cyber abuse, image-based abuse (sharing, or threatening to share, intimate images without the consent of the person shown) and illegal and restricted content.

Navigating the ever-changing online environment is tough. The e-Safety Parent site helps you recognise safety issues, react to known dangers and report online abuse or misconduct.

Child abuse perpetrators are usually someone the child knows and trusts (within the family or the community). Perpetrators use a range of tactics to make the child keep the abuse a secret. Asking children to keep harmless secrets can make kids think it is okay to keep all secrets. However, some secrets should never be kept.

We can help keep children safe by teaching them that secrets should never be kept. Here are some simple ways to talk with children about secrets:

• Avoid asking your child to keep secrets.
• Avoid getting angry with your child if they share private information with others. It is an adult’s responsibility to be careful about what they say and do in front of their child.
• Let your child know they can talk with you about anything.
• Let your child know you will not get angry with them if they tell you a secret someone asked them to keep. Your job is to keep them safe no matter what the secret is.
• Help your child identify safe adults they can talk to if they have a secret.
• As your child’s understanding of secrets grows, explain that:
  • SAFE SECRETS (OR SURPRISES) can make us feel happy or excited. Safe secrets are never about private parts or someone being hurt. Safe secrets can be shared with our safe adults in the near future and not kept forever.
  • UNSAFE SECRETS make us feel sad, guilty, ashamed, confused, worried, scared or uncomfortable. Unsafe secrets might be about private parts or someone being hurt.

Parents and carers can teach children body autonomy (i.e they own their body). We can respect the child’s right to choose how people show them affection. This includes being allowed to say ‘NO’ to anyone. Children who are taught they have choices about how their body is treated are more confident to recognise, react to and report inappropriate, unsafe and harmful touch.

As children grow, we can continue to show respect for their body by increasing their choice and control. Here are some ways to support your child with body safety and choice:

• Allow your child to practice self-care tasks safely (e.g., getting dressed, showering, etc.).
• If your child needs assistance with self-care tasks, give a choice for how much help you will provide: “Do you want me to help you with your belt, or can you do that by yourself?”
• Ask your child for consent during everyday activities, like taking their photo or helping them with self-care tasks. Choose activities where you can step back if your child says ‘no’, so you can respect their choice.
• Allow your child to decide how they greet other people: “Do you want to give your aunty a hug or a high-five?”
• Read or buy books for the home, for example:
  • Respect Consent, Boundaries and Being in Charge of YOU by Rachel Brian.

We can teach our children that they have the right to speak up if someone touches their body inappropriately.

Children who know the proper names for their private body parts are less likely to be targeted for sexual abuse. Naming private parts correctly also helps children develop body confidence, decreases vulnerability and increases resilience. Using the anatomically correct names for private parts removes the shame and secrecy attached to these words.

Talking about body parts and body development with your child can be uncomfortable, but be brave! Give your child the correct information, so they do not get the wrong information from somewhere else (e.g., the internet).

Here are some simple ways to teach your child about private body parts:

• Use the correct names for private parts.
• Answer your child’s questions calmly and honestly.
• Keep information suited to your child’s age.
• Remind your child that private parts are normal.
• Teach your child the rules to keep private parts safe:
  • Talk with a safe adult if they feel uncomfortable with any type of touch.
  • No one is allowed to touch their private parts without a good reason.
  • It is never okay to touch an adult’s or other child’s genitals.
  • No videos or photos of private parts are allowed.
  • We should never keep secrets about touching or showing private parts.

Safety Teams are the community of adults who help keep a child safe. They are the relatives, friends, community members or professional caretakers who are significant to your child. It is healthy for children to develop trusting relationships with multiple caring adults. We can help children feel safe talking to adults so they can get help when they need it most. You can support your child to trust safe adults and build their Safety Team.

There are ways to help a young child develop a Safety Team:

• Support your child to develop relationships and attachments with a number of trusted adults (at least five adults if possible).
• Your child’s Safety Team might change over time. Regularly talk with your child about people they feel safe with and can talk to if they need help.
• Tell your child that they have the right to feel safe. They are allowed to tell an adult if they feel worried, scared or unsafe.
• If your child tells you something bad has happened, listen to them and let them know you believe them.

Children enter a phase of physical and emotional change in their adolescent years. This can be a stressful time for young people (and their parents). Heightened emotions can increase risk-taking behaviours. It is important to allow young people space to develop some independence, while still being alert to any situations that may be unsafe or inappropriate. Teenagers are at increased risk of emotional issues including depression, anxiety, isolation, bullying, low self-esteem and anger.

We can help young people feel safe by helping them regulate their emotions and responses in the following ways:

• Make time for your young person, let them know you are available for them.
• Let your young person know they can talk to you about any difficulties.
• Help your young person feel safe with positive and negative emotions – it is normal to feel a range of emotions.
• Talk about your own feelings and point out what you do to cope with difficult feelings (e.g. take deep breaths, talk to a friend): “I had a tough day at work today. I’m feeling pretty frustrated. I might go for a walk to clear my head.”
• Do your best to stay calm in tense moments. Show your young person what it looks like to be calm. Help your young person learn simple relaxation strategies (e.g. deep breathing, meditation, drawing, listening to music).
• Support and encourage your young person’s relationships with other safe adults – they won’t tell you everything all the time.

As young people develop independence, they have new experiences and explore new relationships that help them gain important life skills. Engaging in risky behaviour is a normal stage of adolescent development. However, it is important that young people have trusted adults to support and guide them as they navigate new experiences. Young people are gaining more awareness of their instincts and intuition. We can encourage young people to listen to their instincts, to think about whether an activity is safe or unsafe.

Here are some ways you can support your young person:

• Remind your young person to listen to their body – do they have any warning signs around particular people or in certain situations?
• Remind your young person to trust their instincts about who they feel safe with – if it feels wrong, it probably is.
• Let your young person know they can talk to you about anything that makes them feel uncertain or unsafe – without judgement.

Young people are being tricked or coerced into providing child sexual abuse materal, and do not know how to get help. In 2021, the ACCCE Child Protection Triage Unit received more than 33,000 reports of online child sexual exploitation. Research from e-Safety Mind the Gap showed there is a significant gap between what young people report they are seeing, accessing and doing online and what parents are aware of. Now, more than ever, it is critical that parents and carers take any opportunity to help their young person stay safe online.

The e-Safety Young People site has really great and specific resources for the unique issues faced by young people online. This site includes information on:

• Bullying online
• Unsafe or unwanted contact
• Pressures from social media
• Sending nudes and sexting and how to deal with threats to share nudes
• Online dating
• Being out, transgender or gender diverse
• Online gaming
• Online hate
• Digital footprint
• So much more….

To support your child to be safe online:

• Read and watch the information in the e-Safety Young People site.
• Talk to your your person about what you learnt.
• Remind your young person that if anything goes wrong online, no matter what, to get help immediately and ensure them they won’t be in trouble for telling you.
• Report online abuse – the eSafety website has more information about reporting online abuse and staying safe online. They can investigate cyberbullying of children, adult cyber abuse, image-based abuse (sharing, or threatening to share, intimate images without the consent of the person shown) and illegal and restricted content.

Navigating the ever-changing online environment is tough. The e-Safety Young People site helps you recognise safety issues, react to known dangers and report online abuse or misconduct.

Young people’s body boundaries change as they move from childhood to adolescence. It can be uncomfortable for caregivers to think about their teenager’s body in terms of sexual development. However, it is important to have open communication about sexuality, relationships, and boundaries. Young people are accessing pornography much younger (as early as 8 years old) and more frequently. Yikes. Without clear and specific conversations with trusted adults, young people are likely to get their information about bodies, relationships and sex from untrusted and dangerous avenues which may lead to unsafe situations and harm.

As a parent you are not expected to know it all. Social norms for young people have changed dramatically in the last 10 years and will keep changing. What has not changed is parents’ desire to keep their adolescent safe as they explore this new stage of their life. Regular, relaxed conversations with your young person will promote trust and open discussion.

Here are some tips for talking with your young person about safe body boundaries:

• Let your young person know you are available when they want to talk about any issues.
• Ask open-ended questions: “Tell me more about that.”
• Be interested in their world and gently ask questions about their lives – without judgement.
• Try to answer their questions fully and accurately.
• Support their interests and choices, even if their values are different to yours.
• Buy books about body ownership and consent and leave them around the house
  • Welcome to Consent: How to say no, when to say yes and everything in between by Yumi Stynes and Melissa Kang and Jenny Latham (Illustrator)
  • Can We Talk About Consent? by Justin Hancock, Fuchsia MacAree (Illustrator)

Young people typically develop a strong sense of privacy and loyalty during adolescence. It is natural for young people to keep things to themselves, such as their thoughts, feelings, body changes, romantic feelings or relationships, and activity with friends. However, privacy is different to keeping unsafe secrets. Despite their growing independence, there are still some secrets that are unsafe for young people to keep to themselves. These secrets are generally about the wellbeing and safety of themselves and others, or about something illegal.

Here are some ways to talk with your young person about privacy:

• Help your child learn about safe and unsafe secrets well before adolescence.
• Give your young person appropriate physical privacy, like knocking on their door before you enter their bedroom.
• Let your young person know that they have a right to privacy as long as it doesn’t put them at risk of harm and isn’t against the law.
• Let your young person know that there are times when safety is more important than loyalty.
• Show interest in your young person’s life without judgement or negativity.
• Set rules and boundaries around technology use (time, content, privacy, etc).

Safety Teams are the community of adults who help keep a child safe. They are usually relatives, friends, community members or professional caretakers who are significant to your child. When life gets busy it can be easy to miss clues that your young person is experiencing difficulties. For this reason, it is useful for young people to have a number of safe adults they can talk to about problems or go to for advice.

You might have helped your child identify several safe adults during their younger years. Talk with your young person to review their Safety Team:

• Help your young person identify people they can easily contact.
• Identify adults both inside and out of the family.
• Help your young person identify adults who are able to help them if necessary (same-age friends are not always able to get the help they need).
• Make sure your young person knows you will never stop loving them.
• Discuss an ’emergency safety plan’ to use if things go wrong – where to go, who to call, emergency money, etc.

The following websites were used for reference purposes:

• Australian Government Safety Commissioner (eSafety). Available at: https://www.esafety.gov.au/.
• The Australia Child Maltreatment Study (ACMS). Available at: https://www.acms.au/.
• eSafeKids: Protective Behaviours, Perth Western Australia. Available at: https://www.esafekids.com.au/.
• The Australian Parenting Website. Available at: https://raisingchildren.net.au/.

The following academic articles were used for reference purposes:

• Kerr, K. (2023) Private body parts: Why, when & how to start the conversation., eSafeKids. Available at: https://www.esafekids.com.au/post/private-body-parts-why-when-how-to-start-the-conversation.
• This is how you talk to kids about their private parts (2021) Today’s Parent. Available at: https://www.todaysparent.com/kids/school-age/this-is-how-you-talk-to-kids-about-their-private-parts/.

The following research article was used for reference purposes:

• Effective teaching strategies for child sexual abuse prevention: A rapid evidence check (no date a) Australian Catholic University (ACU). Available at: https://www.acu.edu.au/about-acu/institutes-academies-and-centres/institute-of-child-protection-studies/our-research/current-projects/effective-teaching-strategies-for-child-sexual-abuse-prevention. DOI: 10.26199/rdbq-xm46.